John Milton's Quatercentenary (400th Birthday), December 9th

John Milton's Quatercentenary

Where have the years gone? It seems like just yesterday I was assigned a section of Paradise Lost in that Early British Lit survey class that I took in the attempt to try to understand and be able to speak intelligently about any and all literature written ever, or at least any and all that made it into my Norton Anthology. I remember almost nothing about what I read in that class ( we covered Beowulf to Samuel Johnson I mean come on, it was only about 1,000 years of literature covered in 4 months!) But, about Milton, I remember my professor reading a part of Paradise Lost and thinking that someday, when I had the time, I needed to read the whole thing.
I haven't read it Paradise Lost. This April I will have been graduated with my English degree for ten years. Yep. Should have read it by now. Maybe after Christmas and can start that.

Anyway, since it is Milton's birthday, I should be focusing on him. It looks like the majority of Miltonian celebrations are taking place across the pond, and have happened already, so getting to a live celebration might be tricky. However, there is this really cool website with lots of information about Paradise Lost. I've just played with it a little bit, and I plan to come back later.

Of course, Paradise Lost is not Milton's only work. If you like your Restoration poetry set to Baroque music then you should check out Handel's L'Allegro, il Penseroso ed il Moderato, which is based on L'Allegro and Il Penseroso, two of Milton's poems.

If you don't want to do any of that, you could just give a random gift to someone today and say "Happy Milton's Birthday!" If you plan on doing the random gift thing, here are some gifts that I do not recommend for Milton's Birthday, or for the entire gift-giving season.

• The Yodeling Green Pickle (Now, why does this exist?)
• The Houseplant Twitter Kit (Yes! Now for only $99 your plant can Twitter you when it needs to be watered! Or, you could look at it every once in a while.)
• The Pet's Eye View Camera (Do you ever wonder what your dog does all day? Now you can have pictures taken every 15 seconds while you are gone! Personnally, I don't even want 15 second updates from my nearest and dearest friends and family! Sorry, love ya all, but there is a reason why I don't Twitter!)
• Owl Pellets (Now, I am all for educational gifts but... there are just no words for my thoughts. So, here's the blurb from the website:

"See what this owl ate for dinner. Just unwrap the foil from the pellet and
carefully us the probes provided to dissect the pellet and extract the owl's
dinner. Then use the bone guide to identify what the owl ate."

• Heartshaped Mouse (I always recommend against heartshaped anything, but especially against heartshaped things that should be ergonomic. Happy Milton's Birthday! I hope you don't get carpel tunnel! )

Anyway, have a Happy Miltonian Quartercentenary everyone!

St. Patrick's Day, March 17th

St. Patrick's Day!!!

It's no secret that I love St. Patrick's Day. I love it because I get a little thrill every time I see my name somewhere, even if I know it's not really for me.

Nevertheless, I was shocked when I read today that St. Patrick's Day had been moved to the March 15th, because the Catholic Church didn't want to celebrate the holiday during Holy Week, which I completely understand, since St. Patrick's Day is, after all, a Catholic feast day, and as such they have every right to move the celebration, so as not to take away from Holy Week, but I was so sad that I had missed it! And I didn't know because I didn't get the memo, because I'm not Catholic!

Anyway, I still must celebrate St. Patrick's Day today, and if you would like to celebrate along with me, here are a few tests to see how "Irish" you are.

Your Irish Name Is...

Maura MacSween

What's Your Irish Name?

What Your Shamrock Says About You

You express yourself well - you are very verbal. You are good at perceiving the world and understanding people. At times you can be moody and lack direction. You have an artist's temperament. You consider yourself a lucky person. Luck always seems to be on your side. You are traditional, easy going, and appreciative of the simple things in life.

The Shamrock Personality Test

You're 50% Irish

You're probably less Irish than you think you are... But you're still more Irish than most.

How Irish Are You?

Your Leprechaun Name Is:

Freckles O'Gold

What's Your Leprechaun Name?

You Are A Fig Tree

You are very independent and strong minded. A hard worker when you want to be, you play hard too. You are honest and loyal. You hate contradiction or arguments. You love life, and you live for your friends, children, and animals. A great sense of humor, artistic talent, and intelligence are all gifts you possess.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

Leap Day, February 29th

Leap Day

Leap Day was always exciting to me when I was a kid. It just seemed cool that it was a day that only came around every four years, and then when I discovered Pirates of Penzance... wow, my love of Leap Day quadrupled.

But, then I found out that in Scotland, Leap Years, the whole year, are generally considered unlucky and Leap Year Day is a particularly bad day because it was Job's Birthday, and he cursed the day that he was born. All this Job information is according to The Perpetual Almanack of Folklore. Poor Job. I almost want to make a birthday cake in his honor. And for all of us who have to work an extra day this year. I mean really, this year we have to work an extra day! There is something wrong with that! If we have to add an extra day to the year, that just might be an unlucky day, we shouldn't have to work, we should make it a National holiday!

The fifth century Irish single gals liked Leap Day because St. Patrick gave them permission to ask men to get engaged on Leap Day only. If the man said no to the proposal, he was required to give her a gift, or pay a tax, so either way, score for them!

Anyway, we should all head out today with a petition to get Leap Day designated as a National holiday! I am sure we can make a change! You know you want an extra holiday every four years... come on. You do!

Oatmeal Monday, October 8th

Oatmeal Monday

According to my Forgotten English Calendar of Vanishing Vocabulary and Folklore, today is the traditional Monday, during the midterm week of nineteenth-century Scottish universities, where "fathers were allowed to bring sacks of oatmeal to sustain their sons for the term's duration" (Forgotten English Calendar of Vanishing Vocabulary and Folklore).

Now, a while it may seem like the average Scottish university student had a very boring and bland meal plan, with a sack of oatmeal at midterms, it turns out that oatmeal is quite versatile. Check out this recipe for Oatmeal Soup. It seems that oatmeal was so versatile for the college student diet that the modern equivalent would be a midterm care package of of Top Ramen.

Or perhaps it was a nicer gesture than that. I honestly wouldn't have been very happy to get a care package of Top Ramen when I was in college, even if it was from home.

And speaking of college days, I visited the ol' alma mater this morning and was pleasantly surprised (not!) by one of the librarians on campus while I was making a periodical donation. We were chatting about the new library addition and how much the library has changed from when I attended school pre-1999 when it was just a hole in the ground that caused major student/pedestrian traffic problems. She asked me "You graduated in '99?" with a semi-shocked look on her face. I responded in the affirmative. She then said, and I am not lying, joking or exaggerating: "You can't tell; you look just like a normal person."

Well, thank you ma'am, I appreciate the compliment, because, you know, we who graduated in that other century, we slowly turn into cod once we are out of the fishbowl of BYU.

That's not what I said.

I just said "thank you," because I am sure she meant to say, "You look just like a normal student."

Yeah right. I know I don't look like a student any more. They don't ask me if I am a student at the Visitor Parking. That is a sure sign that I no longer look young.

And, can I just say, that even though I work every day in Provo, I have not visited campus probably in about a year, and I had no idea how huge the new Alumni Building is?! It's shockingly huge. And maybe it just seems so big because nothing was really there before, or maybe because the building style just doesn't seem to fit the rest of campus. I don't know, it just didn't feel right, and I want to protest the building. It shouldn't be for alumni. It's too big. The biggest, nicest (arguably) building on campus should serve the students, not to stroke the already usually inflated egos of the donating alumni.

Okay. Wow. That was an opinion. I guess I am glad that my blog is not well read.

Anyway, for another tangent, on my way back to the office, I listened to the lyrics for "I Can't Drive 55." I actually listened to the lyrics, probably for the first time, from an adult point of view, and I have a totally different opinion of the song. I used to think it was just a rebel rock song, but now I think that it is a legitimate complaint against a policy change.

"What used to take two hours now takes all day. - It took me 16 hours to get to L.A...."(Sammy Hagar)

After thinking about it, I wonder, why aren't we all complaining?

October 15th is not Dictionary Day

Whoops! Absent-minded Secretary made a mistake. Thank-you to those who emailed me to let me know.

I am going to say that I made the mistake based on the too many important issues on my mind: the weather on Thursday, the color of the punch being served, and the most important and critical in my mind is my new haircut.

The above picture is my latest choice. It will require four inches of hair to be cut off. I am kinda freaking out about that.

I need to finalize my decision tomorrow. Anyone who feels they can make a better choice for me is welcome to share their input.

National Cream Filled Donut Day, September 14th

National Cream Filled Donut Day

Hm. I'm just not feeling excited about cream filled donuts. Sorry. But, maybe if you bring in a bunch of cream filled donuts for your coworkers today, they will feel more excitement, and they will be able to write a better blog post about cream donuts.

Unless they have already read this WikiHow.

If they have already read that, then you will have to probably need to talk long and hard to convince them that the cream filled donuts that you brought to work were the best ever; that blogging about the donuts from an existential point of view will uncover new secrets about cream and donuts that will bend the reality of cream filled donuts in foodblogdom, and that single post about cream donuts will make your coworker famous.

Just make sure you forward me the link. Thanks!