Hogmanay, December 31st

Hogmanay

After reading Th's Search Engine Report, I decided to see what has been bringing people to my blog lately. In the last 30 days, my most popular post has been Feast of the Fabulous Wild Men. Unfortunately, my post about Hogmanay has not brought any hits, at least in the last 30 days. This proves that traditional Scottish holidays are out, and random nonsensical holidays are in.

I am a little sad about this trend, mostly because Hogmanay is right up there with St. Patrick's Day and Thanksgiving, on my list of favorite holidays. I really like Hogmanay for a couple of reasons. Mostly, I think it's because I really like the idea of starting a new year with a clean break from everything that might have been bad in the previous year, and while New Year's has the same idea, Hogmanay just seems more cool, and traditional, and a little bit old worldish. And, I guess I might be a bit of a clean freak because it just seems like a good idea to follow the traditional Scottish "redding of the house". And I also love the "first footing" tradition, because really, who wouldn't want to welcome a tall, dark, handsome stranger bearing who will bringing gifts of shortcake and smoked salmon into your home? Well, shortcake and smoked salmon are the gifts that I would recommend, because many a mickle makes a muckle.

Cellphonaphobia

As Christmas Day approaches, I find myself in mortal terror for my cell phone. Not of my cell phone, mind you, for my cell phone. You see, for the last two years, on Christmas Day, I have in one way or another killed my cell phone.

It will be really sad if I lose another phone this year. Very sad because I haven't made any preparations for being out of communication for a month or so... again. But, since these type of things usually occur in threes, I just have a bad feeling.

Look for an Evergreen Day, December 19th

Look for an Evergreen Day

Look! I found mine! It sure is little, but I still like it. :)

Stress-Free Family Holiday Month

Stress-Free Family Holiday Month

Every year my grandma wants a Christmas list from each of her grandchildren. If we don't provide one for her we are considered "bad grandchildren" because we will be causing her stress and frustration during what could have been an easy list-oriented shopping trip.

Last year I was the golden grandchild for a happy week because I was the first to provide a complete list, of mostly books, which meant that she would only have to go to one store, and she could get discount points from that store. But, then, there were problems. My books were not regular-on-the-shelf-books, so I quickly became the not-golden grandchild.

This year, I have had a really hard time coming up with a list for her. I thought it might be easy, because I do have an Amazon wish list, but Grandma doesn't do Amazon. This is where a great deal of the problems came from last year; I wanted books that I found on Amazon, that aren't regular bookstore shelf books. My parents aren't Amazon people either, and therefore, weren't much help for Grandma, so I have just realized that I have no reason to keep an Amazon wish list, except for me to have a list of random things for me to remember to maybe buy for myself someday.

Anyway, this year I felt guilty for even providing a list, even though Grandma asked for one, because this year she is helping me with my Multiple Sclerosis treatment costs. That is such significant help that I really don't feel that I deserve an additional Christmas present on top of that. But, since she said she still wants a list, I sat and thought about what I want for Christmas.

Well, my ideal Christmas list would include: the ability to have no more side effects to the Rebif. Specifically, no more morning sickness-type-smell-stomach-issues. No more nausea at the smell of celery, broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, avocados, and spinach. No more dark circles under my eyes, and no more people asking me if I had a bad night, every day. No more dead in my tracks fatigue. No more achy in my every joint. No more forgetfulness. No more uncontrollable crying when children sing Christmas carols. No more hiding in my apartment because I can't eat anything normal and because I need at least ten to twelve hours of sleep almost every night and did I mention that I still have dark circles under my eyes and I would like those to go away before Christmas? Yeah. That would just about cover everything that I really want for Christmas. (Except for maybe a phone call from Edgy ne^' Christian. That would be nice too.)

Unfortunately, Grandma can't do anything about any of that. Yes, so the last three days I have been trying to come up with things to put on a list for Grandma. And tonight, I did give her a spotty list. But, I feel stressed about that list. None of the books are books that I am dying to read. All of the kitchen things are things that I could live without. I feel like a spoiled selfish little brat, especially since this post is about family stress, and really if this is the only family stress that I have to deal with, I recognize that I'm pretty damn lucky.

We can chat about my mother later.

St. Andrew's Eve, November 29th

St. Andrew's Eve

St. Andrew's Eve is an exciting day, or night, actually, because vampires can walk freely. I haven't been able to find a reason why, except that the legend seems to be Romanian.

So, in order to avoid the walking vampires, we are supposed to rub garlic on our hair and our window and door frames. Also, if a vampire talks to us, specifically asking us if we have eaten garlic, we shouldn't answer him... or her. I think this advice is good. If someone asks you if you have eaten garlic, it would be fair to asses the question as either rude or vampiresque. If it's not a vampire it would have been more polite if they had just offered gum or a mint.

Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day, November 7th

Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

Almonds and chocolate, you can't do much wrong with that combination. But, if it's not quite your favorite combination, or not what you have around your house left over from Halloween, and you still need a little snack to help deal with the post election day blues, here is a little article that will analyze your personality by candy choice.

Bittersweet? Maybe. But only because the two candies that I passed out for Halloween Bit O'Honey, and Twix say that I have split personalities. Hrump. Maybe it would be better to just keep it simple with chocolate covered nuts.

Anyway, enjoy your sucranalysis!

TRICK OR TREAT: What does your candy say about you? Analysis says Butterfinger givers might be slippery; Snickers givers are dependable.

Steve Almond's candy-giver analysis:
• Three 3 Musketeers: Does well in groups but is somewhat pompous. Prone to fancy costumes and arcane weapons. Wears hats in public that are ill-advised.
History: Created in 1932 by Mars, the candy bar got its name because it originally had three pieces in one packet: vanilla, strawberry and chocolate.

Calorie count: The Fun Size (17 grams) has 71 calories.

• Almond Joy: I'm going to put aside my aversion to coconut in praising these folks as happy-go-lucky.
History: Introduced in 1946 by the Peter Paul Candy Manufacturing Co. in New Haven, Conn. It's a companion to the Mounds bar, which arrived in 1920.

Calorie count: The snack size (19 grams) has 91 calories.

• Bit-O-Honey: They have contradictory personalities, hoping to express generosity but also having the passive-aggressive desire to damage the fillings of trick-or-treaters.
History: The honey-flavored taffy was first manufactured in 1924 by the Schutter-Johnson Co. of Chicago. It is now made by Nestle.

Calorie count: The snack size (7 grams) has 26 calories.

• Butterfinger: Evasive, slippery, not necessarily to be trusted.
History: Invented in 1923 by the Curtiss Candy Co. of Chicago. The crunchy bar wrapped in chocolate is now made by Nestle.

Calorie count: The Fun Size (21 grams) has 100 calories.

• Candy Corn: Purely deluded people. They don't get that candy shouldn't attempt to imitate other food groups, particularly corn.
History: Invented in the 1880s, it was first manufactured commercially by the Wunderle Candy Co. in Philadelphia and by the turn of the century at the Herman Goelitz Candy Co. in Cincinnati.

Calorie count: A serving of 22 pieces (40 grams) has 140 calories.

• Good & Plenty: Optimistic, perhaps overly so. A little bit of Weimar energy. Strong advocate of gay rights; acquainted with the bitterness at the center of most lives.
History: The licorice candy was first produced in 1893 by the Quaker City Confectionery Co. in Philadelphia and is considered the oldest branded candy in the country.

Calorie count: A serving of 33 pieces (39 grams) has 140 calories, or 4.2 calories per piece.

• Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: Generous souls. Those who understand the salty in life, as well as the sweet.
History: Created by Harry Burnett Reese in the 1920s. Reese was a former dairy employee of Milton Hershey, founder of the Hershey Co. In 1963, the Reese candy company was sold to Hershey for $23.5 million.

Calorie count: A one-cup package (17 grams) has 88 calories.

• Snickers: Just going with the crowd, the safe candy choice, guaranteed to please the masses. Not ambitious, but dependable.
History: Created in 1930 by Mars, Snickers bars sold for a nickel. The Fun Size was introduced in 1968.

Calorie count: The Fun Size (15 grams) has 72 calories.

• Twix: Both brittle and supple in social situations; sort of trapped between personality types.
History: A Mars product, caramel-and-cookie Twix bars were created in the United Kingdom in 1967 but weren't sold in the United States until 1979.

Calorie count: The Fun Size (15 grams) has 80 calories.

• Twizzlers: Sickos. Truly demented. Plastic people living plastic lives.
History: The Twizzlers brand was introduced in 1929. The red licorice strips are manufactured by Y&S Candies, a company established in 1845 that is now a Hershey subsidiary.

Calorie count: One package (70 grams) has 240 calories.(Houston Chron.com October 29, 2007)

I Love Nachos Day, November 6th

I Love Nachos Day

If you don't go to a movie just to sit back and eat some cheesy nachos today, at least check out this website which is full of fun nacho poetry.

And if nacho poetry inspires the creative cook in you, then you should check out this website which has lots of fun and new nacho ideas, including nachos with almonds and nachos with apples. Lots of nacho fun for everyone!

Yeah for Nachos!

Football's First Forward Pass, aka I Can Move Forward Day November 1st

On November 1st in 1913 Notre Dame introduced the first forward pass in a game against Army at West Point. Notre Dame scored 35 points to Army's 13. In honor of this ground breaking game, I am naming November 1st I Can Move Forward Day.

The reasons for I Can Move Forward Day are personal. Basically, I have had a very emotionally difficult six weeks. Normally, my gut reaction to this type of personal stress is to want to crawl under the covers and hide until someone makes me come out. Fortunately, I seem to have grown up a bit because I can't do that this time, because hiding is isn't productive nor is it healthy.

I had spent the last three days writing out the details of what had happened over the last six weeks, but I have decided not to post what I wrote for a few reasons. First, it doesn't really fit the scope of my blog; second, it felt whiney, even though there were a few cleverly phrased parts; and third, I'm shy, and I don't feel like sharing all of it. But, I am going to share some of it, and hopefully it won't feel like the whiney parts.

Anyway, the core of my stress is that I found out that my Multiple Sclerosis has progressed. I have progressed from Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis to Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Because of this progression, I am going to have to increase the dosage of one of my medications, (Interferon Beta 1-A going from brand name Avonex 30 mcg once a week to Rebif 44 mcg three times a week). This increase could effect my ability to work full time, which would effect my insurance, which would effect my ability to get treatment... and so on, and so on.

I haven't really noticed an increase in my disability, but the MRI that I had in August showed that I have 26 lesions on my brain. Last year I had 12. The year before that I had 7, and the year before that I had 5. Basically, the lesions are places where the brain doesn't work any more because my immune system has attacked my nervous system and the cells that have been attacked form scar tissue through a process called demyelination.

So, my brain has so many holes it's like Swiss cheese. (Which means it's normal that I loose my keys every other day and lock myself out of my apartment at midnight on a Sunday night, and when people notice that I am being a bit of an airhead I can just say, "It's okay, I have 26 holes in my brain!") But, the way that my doctor gave me this information was not good. (Let's just say, doctors should read their patient files before they go into the exam room so they don't say things like, "Well, at least you've already have had your children, so you don't have to worry about pregnancy on these medications" and "Maybe we should save the rest of this conversation until your husband can be here.") Then, the same week that I got all this news, my brother was in a major car accident. So, that week wasn't a good week.

But that was in September, and I have had all of October to get used to the idea of new treatment, and today, the first day of November, is a good day for a fresh start. I had my follow-up appointment with my doctor. The doctor had me schedule a follow-up because the one in September was so emotional he wanted to give me time to come to terms with all the new information. Today's appointment was mostly setting up all the technical stuff for my new treatment. I have to have a home health nurse come in to show me how to do everything the right way. I had to get all the right insurance preauthorizations. I have to sign over the title of my car and my non-existent first-born for every monthly co-pay... but, I actually feel okay about this new first step. The positive thing is, even though my MRI looks really bad-- bad enough for the doctors to be really, really concerned, I am functioning fairly well, and I feel pretty good, most days. In fact, I think that most of my not feeling good is due to side effects of my medications that are supposed to be stopping the progression of the Multiple Sclerosis. Which is why I have had such a difficult time deciding to increase the dosage of those medications.

After today's appointment, I feel really positive about moving forward (and it doesn't hurt that the needle is significantly smaller for the Rebif) not dwelling on all of this negative stuff I have had in my head these last six weeks. I haven't ever seen a football game without at least one forward pass (at least I can't remember a significant one). Even with a strong running game, the best offense needs to mix things up with a few passes, and everyone loves to see a completed long-reach-for-it-and-run-for-the-end-zone pass. Perhaps, this new medication will be one of those passes where I can hear the footsteps of the defense right on me, and the end zone is just right there when the ball just comes over my shoulder into my hands... you know, just perfect.

Mischief Night, October 30th

Mischief Night

Mischief Night sounds like an innocent enough holiday, because, at least to me, the word mischief conjures up child-like revels... like sneaking cookies out of the cookie jar. But, despite it's innocent sounding name, Mischief Night is is a holiday that easily can get out of hand.

For example, on October 30, 1938, Orson Welles aired his infamous radio play "War of the Worlds" which caused quite a bit of mischief. Many people listening to the program panicked, believing that the broadcast was a news report rather than a radio drama. If you want to read a script of the broadcast you can read it here. If you want to listen to the original broadcast go here. I remember listening to the full broadcast in junior high. I should probably go listen again for an adult perspective.

For an example from my own life-time, in 1991, in Camden, New Jersey over 130 fires were set by roaming teenagers which resulted in a teenager curfew in 1992 during which only 30 fires were set. ("The Mischievous History of Devil's Night" Washingtonpost.com) Personally, I think 30 teenager-set arsons in one night are still too many.

So remember, whatever you do tonight, whatever mischief you might be up to, remember that someone out there might be up to a little bit more.

When Utah's Grid System Goes Bad

National Mole Day, 10-23

National Mole Day

Remember how much fun it was to celebrate Pi Day? Now, take a deep breath and remember back to high school chemistry. Do you remember that number that we all had to remember to calculate the atomic mass of the molecule? That's okay, I didn't remember either. It's 6.02 x 10²³, aka Avogadro's Number.

Anyway, from 6:02 am to 6:02 pm, it is okay to celebrate National Mole Day. And, if you aren't up at 6:02 am to celebrate, I won't tell anyone. :)

Some of the suggestions for celebrating National Mole Day are, eating 6.02 cookies, a scavenger hunt using the chemical make-up of the items you want, or eat mole-themed food like guaca-mole! Mmm, guacamole!

Wind and Weather, October 12th

According to The Perpetual Almanack of Folklore, a west wind on October 12th means that there will be a mild winter.

Currently in Provo, the wind conditions are: Wind Speed: 5 mph / 7 km/h / 2.1 m/s Wind Dir: 50° (NE), but Pleasant Grove's wind conditions are: Wind Speed: 0.1 mph / 0.1 km/h / 0.0 m/s Wind Dir: 201° (SSW). So, with both north-east and south-south-west winds, I'm guessing that the jury is still out about this winter's weather in Utah County.

Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day, October 11th

Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day!

Quick! Before everyone goes home, send a memo out to all your coworkers, and have everyone bring a friend to work tomorrow. Or, just sneak your teddy in and have him there for your own amusement. Either way, it should make at least five minutes bear-able.

Sorry. Couldn't help it.

Oatmeal Monday, October 8th

Oatmeal Monday

According to my Forgotten English Calendar of Vanishing Vocabulary and Folklore, today is the traditional Monday, during the midterm week of nineteenth-century Scottish universities, where "fathers were allowed to bring sacks of oatmeal to sustain their sons for the term's duration" (Forgotten English Calendar of Vanishing Vocabulary and Folklore).

Now, a while it may seem like the average Scottish university student had a very boring and bland meal plan, with a sack of oatmeal at midterms, it turns out that oatmeal is quite versatile. Check out this recipe for Oatmeal Soup. It seems that oatmeal was so versatile for the college student diet that the modern equivalent would be a midterm care package of of Top Ramen.

Or perhaps it was a nicer gesture than that. I honestly wouldn't have been very happy to get a care package of Top Ramen when I was in college, even if it was from home.

And speaking of college days, I visited the ol' alma mater this morning and was pleasantly surprised (not!) by one of the librarians on campus while I was making a periodical donation. We were chatting about the new library addition and how much the library has changed from when I attended school pre-1999 when it was just a hole in the ground that caused major student/pedestrian traffic problems. She asked me "You graduated in '99?" with a semi-shocked look on her face. I responded in the affirmative. She then said, and I am not lying, joking or exaggerating: "You can't tell; you look just like a normal person."

Well, thank you ma'am, I appreciate the compliment, because, you know, we who graduated in that other century, we slowly turn into cod once we are out of the fishbowl of BYU.

That's not what I said.

I just said "thank you," because I am sure she meant to say, "You look just like a normal student."

Yeah right. I know I don't look like a student any more. They don't ask me if I am a student at the Visitor Parking. That is a sure sign that I no longer look young.

And, can I just say, that even though I work every day in Provo, I have not visited campus probably in about a year, and I had no idea how huge the new Alumni Building is?! It's shockingly huge. And maybe it just seems so big because nothing was really there before, or maybe because the building style just doesn't seem to fit the rest of campus. I don't know, it just didn't feel right, and I want to protest the building. It shouldn't be for alumni. It's too big. The biggest, nicest (arguably) building on campus should serve the students, not to stroke the already usually inflated egos of the donating alumni.

Okay. Wow. That was an opinion. I guess I am glad that my blog is not well read.

Anyway, for another tangent, on my way back to the office, I listened to the lyrics for "I Can't Drive 55." I actually listened to the lyrics, probably for the first time, from an adult point of view, and I have a totally different opinion of the song. I used to think it was just a rebel rock song, but now I think that it is a legitimate complaint against a policy change.

"What used to take two hours now takes all day. - It took me 16 hours to get to L.A...."(Sammy Hagar)

After thinking about it, I wonder, why aren't we all complaining?

I am putting my life in danger...

blogging about the weather, but I must note that since it is currently snowing, in September, and since it did snow in May, it seems that the bit of weather folklore that I blogged about previously, might have a ring of truth to it. So, if it thunders in May, we all should be prepared for a short summer.

Although, I would also like to note that, while short, the Summer of 2007 also boasted the hottest month ever on record for Salt Lake City. So, here in Utah, if we have a short summer, it will be an intense summer, apparently.

I don't really like that. I am a mild weather sort of girl. Even though I prefer cooler weather, I have been shocked by the snow today. I mean, I thought I was okay knowing that the weather was going to be cooler today, even though it was 80 degrees yesterday. I was prepared for cold this morning when I left for the day. I was outside all morning cheering at soccer games and helping dig holes for trees through wind and rain. But, now it's snowing.

Snowing. In September. And everything about it seems wrong.

But, it's not my fault.

The Cool Kids

Sometimes, I think that I am such a nerd that all the cool kids are playing jokes on me, and they are just laughing and laughing.

Saturday night, for example, I was driving home from a friend's house after midnight, and I had been away from my home for only twelve hours. In the twelve hours that I was gone, someone had removed the traffic light has always been at the end my street and had placed it at the brand new intersection one block up. Now, the intersection for my street is naked.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so confused. When I am tired, I drive by landmarks not by logic. I turn at the first light, and I do not make sure that I have driven .6 miles from the freeway exit. I got so lost that I almost curled up in a corn field and fell asleep because I was so confused, because I knew that I was so near my house, and yet it was so freakishly Twilight Zoney, and I was so tired and I just wanted to go to bed.

Well, today I had to work until ninefreakingthirtyatnight and I have to get up at fourfreakingthirtyinthemorning for a meeting. Yep. I had forgotten all about the new traffic light placement and got lost all over again.

Why, why, why do the cool kids have to torment me so much? Did they really have to move the light? Couldn't they have just added the new one and then we could have had two? Because really, the connecting street that I am supposed to just see does not have one single lamppost on it, and it is dark out in them there corn fields. Are you cool kids trying to push me over the edge? Are you trying to pull out my last thread of sanity? Because I am that close to tying up my shoelaces and throwing my shoes over the powerline and going off to live in Spectre forever.

Tolkien Week September 16th-22nd and Hobbit Day, September 22nd

Tolkien Week September 16th-22nd and Hobbit Day September 22nd



If you need a new reason to celebrate Hobbit Day, do it because maybe there is a little bit of Hobbit inside of you!

One of the most puzzling discoveries in human evolution was the unearthing four years ago of the so-called "Hobbit" — a three-foot tall human-like creature with a brain the size of a grapefruit.

The Hobbit skeleton caused a split among anthropologists. Some scientists have said the Hobbit, found in Indonesia, is a weird human ancestor that somehow survived until some 12,000 to 20,000 years ago, living unnoticed as modern humans took over the world. Others have said it is a modern human with a condition resembling the genetic disease microcephaly.

But new evidence suggests that the hobbit really was a primitive form of human never seen before.

Researcher Matthew Tocheri, who studies wrist bones at the Smithsonian Institution, was shocked when he saw the wrist bones of the Hobbit.

"I opened up the container and I pulled out the bones and, wow, I couldn't believe it. I was like — is somebody putting me on? These are completely primitive," says Tocheri.

Tocheri says his knees were shaking with excitement. If the Hobbit was simply a diseased modern human, or even a human cousin like a Neanderthal, it would have human-like wrist bones. But the wrist bones looked more like those of an ape. Nobody had noticed the difference because the identification requires expertise in the tiny bones of the wrist.

Tocheri spent a year studying three of the Hobbit's wrist bones at the Smithsonian. He says all three of the wrist bones support the idea that it is not a diseased modern human.

"In great apes and other primates, the trapezoid looks like a pyramidal wedge, but in modern humans and Neanderthals, it looks like a boot," says Tocheri.

Another anthropologist who worked with Tocheri, William Jungers at Stony Brook University in New York, agrees. He says if these new findings hold up, it could change scientists' view of human evolution.

"I think we have grossly underestimated the complexity of human evolution and I think there are other surprises like this in store," says Jungers.

The new interpretation has not entirely resolved the dispute. Skeptics say hundreds of genetic diseases could affect the size and shape of human bones.

Although partial remains of other Hobbits have surfaced at the same site, they say it could have been an isolated colony of inbred people who shared the same genetic abnormalities.

But Matthew Tocheri says he thinks the Hobbit is an ancient ancestor and the ultimate survivor.

"Just looking at them and seeing and how primitive they were, I almost felt a certain feeling of success for the Hobbit. They made it, they made it into modern times, they've completely baffled us because they did it," says Tocheri.

Regardless of whether the Hobbits are our ancestors or simply abnormal humans, they clearly defied steep odds to survive.

Tocheri's research will appear in the Sept. 21 issue of Science. (Case Grows for 'Hobbit' as Human Ancestor by Christopher Joyce NPR )

International Talk Like a Pirate Day, September 19th

International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Shiver me timbers! Even when I'm not especially feelin' like blogging, I can't forget Talk Like a Pirate Day. 'Specially when websites like TreeHugger remember it! So go check out t' real reason why we have global warmin'- fewer pirates! And if you need help puttin' your writin' into pirate talk, check out this English-to-Pirate translator. Happy piratin'! Arrrgh!

National Cream Filled Donut Day, September 14th

National Cream Filled Donut Day

The cream filling to my day of public records and open meeting law training, was the comment "if I had to live in and work for the City of (where Absent works) for twenty years, I would sue them too."

Defy Superstition Day, September 13th

Defy Superstition Day

There is an old superstition about cutting your hair. Cut it on Monday, you cut it for health; cut it on Tuesday, you cut it for wealth; cut it on Wednesday, you cut it for news; cut it on Thursday, a new pair of shoes; cut it on Friday, you cut it for sorrow; cut it on Saturday, see your true love tomorrow; cut it on Sunday, the devil will be with you all the week.

And, according to another superstition, you should always burn or bury your cut hair, because if an enemy took it they could use it to do you harm, or a bird could pick up the leavings and weave them too tightly in a nest thus giving you a headache until the nest falls apart. Not a happy thought.

I am not in a very reckless mood, so I am not very up for defying superstitions, because it turns out that walking under a ladder can end up badly for more than one reason. But, if you get your hair cut today, a Thursday, the worst that can happen is that you won't get a pair of new shoes. Which, don't get me wrong, would be sad, but not tragic, mind you.

So, everyone, go out and get you haircut today! But don't forget to sweep up the trimmings and dispose of them correctly!