Sunday, August 13, 2006

Left-Hander's Day, August 13th

Left Hander's Day

It all started with Ehud, son of Gera. Then Joan of Arc, Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Ramses II, Aristotle, and Nietzsche joined up too. Matt Groening is one, which is probably why Ned Flanders and Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Montgomery Burns, Moe Szyslak, Martin Prince, Nelson Muntz, and Krusty the Clown are too. So are Nancy Drew, Joe Hardy, Tom Riddle, Homestar Runner (yes he has no arms, but he plays the bass left handed) and Big Bird. Lewis Carroll, Mark Twain, Eudora Welty and H.G. Wells-all part of the club. As was Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Ringo Starr, Billy Corgan, David Byrne, and Robert Plant. And what would a left-hander's page be without homage to Babe Ruth, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Ty Cobb, and Tommy Lasorda.

Yes, left-handedness is a gift. It should be celebrated. Only 10% of the world's population are left-handed, and scientists don't know why. They think it might be genetic, but they haven't found proof. In my family we are pretty sure that it is. My Grandma's uncle was left handed. She is left handed. Two her sons are left handed, and two of her grandchildren are left-handed. It's great. At Christmas dinner, half of the table is left-handed.

We left-handers confuse baseball pitchers, give our friends hours of enjoyment at the bowling alley. Some people say that left-handers are the next step in human evolution. Others say that left-handers have been oppressed by years of linguistic abuse, are more likely to be schizophrenic, alcoholic, delinquent, dyslexic, have Crohn's disease, mental disabilities, get into accidents, or die young, and have problems with kissing right-handed people. I must say, I have never had a kissing coordination problem, but I often have hugging-head-bonking problems. I thought that was normal, now I am totally blaming it on my left-handedness!

And next time I am in Las Vegas, I am totally visiting the Left Handed Liberation Society.

Left-handers Unite!

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