Friday, April 7, 2006

No Housework Day, Hospital Admitting Clerks Day, April 7th


No Housework Day

I already anti-observed this day. I forgot what holiday it was this morning, and I was running a little ahead of schedule, due to the fact that my $100 professional-strength-ceramic-ionic hairdryer broke just one week after the warranty expired and I couldn't do my hair, so I had time to do a little cleaning up. So, I rinsed out the dishes in my sink, ran the dishwasher, and folded the throw blankets on my couch. But, I didn't have time to take out the garbage, and it's sitting by my front door waiting for me when I get home. (Yes, Dave, another sentence starting with "but." Deal with it.)

So, on my lunch break I had to go out the store to buy another hairdryer. And this time I was determined that I was going to buy the cheapest one no matter what. Because, I have bought expensive the last few times, and they have only lasted about a year each. I think that my cheap little fold-up one that I bought when I was a poor college student, lasted ummm, my whole college career. Which wasn't a normal four year career. (Call me Tommy Boy. And, yes Dave, obviously, my English degree is worthless because there are two sentences beginning with "and," and a sentence beginning with "because" in the same paragraph.)

Anyway, I went to the store to buy a new hairdryer and I had a major problem. I could not buy the cheapest one. I could not accept that my hair would handle and non-ionic-non-ceramic hairdryer. I have been growing my hair out for three years now. I got a really, really short hair cut when I was a model for my friend as she got her cosmotology license. It was a pretty dramatic cut. I went from shoulder length to above the ears. Now, I am back to shoulder length, and it took the whole three years for it to get there, and I want to go longer. (Even though I just got three inches cut off three weeks ago and no-one noticed. And, along those lines, I need to ask a question to the boys. How often do you cut your hair? Do you have to cut it every three weeks? 'Cause I had to get my bangs trimmed yesterday, and if I have to do this every three weeks, I am not sure that the mod new bang look is worth it. Back to my story.) Can I do that with a cheap, regular old blow dryer? I like that my hair is healthy. Is it strong and shiny because of the ceramic coils inside my blow dryer, or is it because I eat a lot of salmon? Either way, a new hair dryer must be bought, because I have freaky half naturally curly, half bone straight hair, and if I don't blow dry it, it just looks funny.

Anyway, I went to the store to buy a new hairdryer, and I couldn't decide which one to get. I have been having this problem a lot lately. I can't make decisions about anything. Choosing where to live, what car to buy, if I want to eat at Chili's or ... why would I eat anywhere but Chili's? (There, that decision made.) I have even limited my video rentals to the Redbox, because there are fewer choices. (I almost went into a coma on St. Patrick's Day when my friend took me to the Orem library to choose a movie... there were just so many choices! I just had to wander around and point out movies that I had seen, which must have been annoying to the people with me, and to the librarian behind the desk.)

Anyway, I went to the store on my lunch break to but a new hair dryer, and I realized, I am a really, really, really, superficial person. I can't buy the cheap one. (The website says it's $18.99, but it was $9.99 at the store.) I kinda wanted this one because it reminded me of all the Barbie accessories that my friends had that I secretly coveted, even though I really wanted books more. I worried about this one because even though it said that it was ionic, it also said "metal" and metal can't be good for hair. This one looked good because it has a retractable cord, and I am not very good about putting my my hair dryer away, and just having a retractable cord would make my countertop less cluttered. (I have gotten lazy since I don't have roommates.) Finally, I just grabbed this one. I think. All I know is I spent $20, and I could have spent just $10. Why? Why? Why? It's just going to break in a year.

Hospital Admitting Clerks Day

I realized today, that I have never really appreciated any of the hospital admitting clerks that I have been in contact with. (There is a sentence ending with a preposition, Dave, what are you going to do about it?) But, I don't think that I am going to appreciate them today. Really, I don't know any personally, and I am not very likely on a Friday night to go out of my way to take flowers to any. I am not that nice. There, it's out in the open on the internet. I am a mean, horrible, person.

Also, I have been known to kick children who color on the walls at my office.

And, I don't answer my phone if I don't want to.

And, I start sentences with "and."

And, I think it is stupid that Freshmen are called "Frosh" but we don't have any nicknames for other-classmen. Why don't we call Seniors "Sosh?"

And, I like it when boys smell good. I really like it when boys smell good. Even if they are boys that are so young I could have put Desitin under their diapers. Yep, I was on campus today, and I noticed an unusually large group of boys smelled nice. I don't know if I am just hyper-aware today, or if BYU boys have just started to become more aware of their scent, or if it is just because it is Friday and everyone is getting ready for date night.

And I don't have a date! (Sobbing uncontrollably now.)

And, I hate it when the visitor parking attendant at BYU doesn't ask me if I am a student. Hello! Last week I looked young enough to be a student, do I look so old today?

It must be because I didn't dry my hair with a blow dryer.

(By the way, I don't really kick children. That would be mean. And horrible.)

4 comments:

edgy killer bunny said...

It is perfectly acceptable to begin a sentence with and as long as you don't follow it with a comma. You know this, Absent. Commas precede conjunctions.

I cut my hair every three weeks. But that's because it's short. And Joy is my quasi-therapist with whom I get to talk about all sorts o' fun stuffs. Like sex. Can I say sex on your blog? I think so. Especially when considering the sexy makeover we gave it.

Absent-minded Secretary said...

You can say sex on my blog. But, you give me much too much credit for my language knowledge. Haven't you noticed by now that I haven't any comma skills. I scatter them haphazardly where ever I go.

Briam said...

ams: You should have studied linguistics instead of english. We would say that you can use your language however you like, as long as it's understandable to other people. (Linguistics is descriptive, english is perscriptive.)

Absent-minded Secretary said...

Linguistics always interested me, but I really enjoyed being an English major. I loved how broad it was, that I could study folklore, literature, writing, semantics... I just spent much time on the grammar stuff.